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August 06, 2006

PACKIN' HEAT

By Mike Shea/Cleveland Stonewall

I can’t remember anymore. My memory is completely shot.

That heat wave last week drained my brain, I swear.

I just can’t remember what the reason was for God punishing us so?

Rev. Pat said that New Orleans was flooded because of the immorality that had already flooded the city for, oh, 150+ years. God just took a while to get around to it.

He must be kind of busy or something because back in the day, man, God would turn people into salt in no time for their sinful thoughts and deeds.

Today, well God needs to put retaliation on a “To Do” list so, thus, I’m confused.

Because that heat wave, it had to have been God punishing us for something. There’s no other excuse really. We are a Christian Nation (so says Rove & Bush and closeted Kenny) so what did we do this time?

Gays have been losing marriage battles so that must not have been it. Major networks and radio stations are getting triple-fined now by the FCC for swear words that were every day fair not more than five years ago. Home schooling is up. There are more Christian-flavored movies, songs, videogames, and television shows than ever before. I mean, c’mon, if I want to be saved, I can do so on 100+ of faith channels on my television set (though funny enough I can’t find one Muslim or Buddhist or Non-Denominational one for the life of me.)

Hell, even CNN has a “Faith and Values” correspondent to talk about (almost exclusively) Christian values!

So with all of this American Religiosity flowing from our pores, why the hell would God hate us so and punish us with last week’s heat wave?

Musta been because of Lance Bass.

Posted by Mike at August 6, 2006 07:23 PM